not. Feeling a little lost is a very lost world, should not be so bad, as, I should, supposedly,
be use to the tides. Finding myself a little stroppy, been busy with self-inspection and not so
sure if I’m, where I should be. Conflicted between wants and needs. I lost a dear friend and
loyal supporter in December. Not knowing that both were the same. Her comments to the
blog, she to never knew she spoke to me. Made me realise how quick we are - not to see.
Torn between a few evils, needing to decide which will be the lesser evil. Knowing that one
will kill your soul the other your heart or worst yourself, yet standing at a crossing where a
road must be chosen, the choice always remains yours. When you’re humouring your
motions, convincing yourself all will be well. Looking, desperately searching, each day, for a
sign you know will not come. When body and soul is uncoordinated. Desperately wanting
more for yourself, yet, left empty.
When a commitment to love “until death do us part” seems like a lifetime sentence. Do you
think it’s time? When unhappiness is so overpowering that even your faith starts to fade. Is
this what God intended? When getting up and moving on seems to be robotized, going
through all the normal little rituals seems so falls, as you so desperately need them to be
heart felt, but, actions convince you of the falseness of all the spoken words. Do you still
believe? Yet too tired to consider alternatives. Too tired to care?
Smile, when every touch is a reminder of what was and no longer is. When a pet name is a
sign of yet another favour to be paid, killing another part of your soul. When empty promises
of “This time, it will be different” is just a constant reminder that nothing will ever change.
Forced to be silent, forced to not air your disbelieve and worries. Is this your “go ahead” to
change your future? Empty promises, as this has been done before. With every new
beginning, a part of your heart dies, as every promise is the beginning to the end of yet
another ending promise.
I am a firm believer of, you, are responsible for your own feelings. But if your feelings are not
considered, and you feel trapped, where you are forced to start wondering how to escape.
Do you stay, out of believe? And in so doing, kill your soul. Or do you move on and kill your
heart? Crossroad? If you’ve come to a point where you start to shut down your heart, when
you are in your morning stage, hard to decide which will be the lesser evil. It is time to face
facts. You are at your crossroad, you need to take a step.
If you reach your crossing. Stand still and look good and hard before you leap. Your choice
will change you, in this life and the one after. I believe that God had no intention for any
human being to be lonely, unhappy, or unloved. Yet here we are. If this is how you feel? Are
you at your crossroad? Ready to leap?